Over the last few weeks, I have been really down. Lost my sleep, lost focus, lost happiness, lost interests, lost my smile and most importantly lost my inner peace. I tried various things to get over the depression, smoked a rookie, gulped bottles of alcohol, tried different pills from sleeping to headache but nothing retained my own self.
I was doing almost everything in my daily routine but like a dead.I spoke with my bestie trying to vent it all out and everything told was known to me, made complete sense to me but I was still not fixed.
I knew I needed to keep myself as busy as possible to stay away from the troubling thoughts. Unlike 95% of the time when this trick has helped me recover , this time it did not. I realized I was too inflicted to let these tricks fix me. Why not? They were temporary! And not all temporary things last forever.
If anyone is reading this journal and wondering what went so wrong to have caused such a big impact upon me; to answer that I will not get into details but stick to the terms “Relationship Expectations”. I have been a free person and not the best to cope up with expectations. Not that I expect from others myself but cannot fulfill them when it comes from others, its just that enforcing things do not work best for me. Everything can just fall into place smoothly with time. I am simply not a person who can be controlled with human emotions! Unfortunately people around me don’t understand that and hence I have become a ‘baddie’. Well, do I care ? Yes , when it reaches that level of tolerance , I do.
So, this late morning while travelling to work, I was still thinking and casually googled in “Finding Peace”. The first hit was this website. First things first “Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”–Albert Einstein. Did Einstein really say that? I wonder if he had time for such emotions!
Nevertheless, I went through the points and out of all absurd point #4 and #8 caught my attention. Yes , I cannot change others , neither should I try to please everyone. I should just let Karma deal with it. (Oh Yeah! Is that me thinking right?). #8 is probably the best logical thing I wanted to hear today. Change is Constant and Life doesn’t stop for anyone. Life is too short for such stupid emotions. Lets spend it on beautiful things. 🙂
So , looking for moral of the story? Waiting to read if I achieved my Inner Peace or not? I don’t know yet. But I now definitely value Inner Peace better.
Inner Peace , where are you?